the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
