Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
