what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
