I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
