my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
