Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
