sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
