So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
