Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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