she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
