Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
