Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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