If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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