I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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