got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
