Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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