Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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