Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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