I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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