So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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