Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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