I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
