p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I AM VODKA MAN
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
