I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
time to smoke my breakfast
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
