apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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