I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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