Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
