on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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