I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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