Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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