I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
