I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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