I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
