I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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