I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
