All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
