So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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