Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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