i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
