Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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