I can't watch pbs sober anymore
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
