More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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