My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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