This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
