There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
