I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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