Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
