I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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