I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
