I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
