I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
