She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
