; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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